Jokes: High pressure sales

Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I  certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave.

"Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."

---

The boss returned to the office after lunch and was in a great mood. He called all the staff into his office so he could tell them some jokes he had picked up. "Everyone laughed uproariously, except for one girl who didn't even crack a smile.

"What's with you, Judy," grumbled the boss. "Have you lost your sense of humor?"

Looking at him straightfaced, she replied, "I don't have to laugh. Friday's my last day!"

Joke: Employee placement method

Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

• If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.
• If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
• If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.
• If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
• If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.
• If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
• If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.
• If they've left early, put them in Sales.
• And if they're all bullying each other, they're Management material.

Joke of the week: Caught playing golf

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.

"Wow!" he said. "Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn't sick!"

How not to tip

A man was eating a meal at a restaurant. He checks his pockets and leaves

his tip -- three pennies. As he strides toward the door, his waitress

muses, only half to herself, "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by

the tip he leaves."

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really?

Tell me, what does my tip say?"

"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man."

Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, "Hmm, true enough."

"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor."

Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."

"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."